


Cancer

by fluffqueen



Category: real life this is real
Genre: Angst, Multi, OT5, Other, but ill be nice, jk, lol i hope you fUCKING BURN, lol you all get cancer, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-05-20 07:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5997229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffqueen/pseuds/fluffqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>its time</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This night seemed as normal as any other to Mom-san, however, she didn't know how detrimental this night would truly be. 

She was going on about her day, drinking lots of tea and drawing tons of smutty OiHina art because she's a fukin ass. "Hm," she twisted the spoon in her cup around staring into the empty cup as her mind ran wild with all sorts of lewd thoughts that I'd love to kinkshame. The sudden ring of a phone broke her train of thought as Mom-san got up to pick it up. "Hello? This is K-"

"You have cancer." A voice on the other end interrupted. Fern was at a lost for words and frankly just confused.

"Excuse me? What do you mean I have cancer? Who is this?" Just as she finished speaking, a beeping noise unsatisfying answered her question and she went to continue her gross ass fanart. "Probably a prank call..." But then it hit because idfk how to move along plot. "W-Wait...what if I really did. I mean I thought my doctor was PRANKING ME (GONE SEXUAL) (GONE WRONG), but maybe-" she paused, "maybe Dr.Pern wasn't kidding. Oh my gosh... I'M GOING TO DIE!" And so, Kim ran to the phone and called the person she though of: Pea. "Moshi Moshi, Pea-chan, desu." The fukin copyin ass vegetable answered. 

"P-Peanis... I have cancer. Take me to see meteors. Pls." Mom-san sobbed into the phone, her hands trembling and her voice filled with worry.

"Oh lol same." Pea called out, with little to no emotion.

"W-What? Wait, you have cancer too?" Fern was more confused then sad, completely bewildered by her husband's answer.

"Yeah. So does Door-kun." Mary replied back.

"So all of us have cancer? How could that have happened?"  Fern-sama was now both frightened and puzzled. 

"Mhmm. Not sure what how bu-- OH MY GOD!" Pea cut off its on sentence to let out a frill shrieking voice which totally made Xhat seem ultra cool and  _way_ superior and made Fern regret not marrying her true love.

"WHAT HAPPENED? PEA?" Kimchi screamed out in horror, scarred for her shit's well being.

"It-It's Door-kun." Pea's lame voice was shaking and her breathes were heavy.

"Pea-chan? What about Door-kun?" Daddy tried to get Pea's words out.

"Door-kun passed out. I-I'm scarred. Kinky Kimmy what's happening?" At this point Pea was sobbing from pure shock and fear for its own life.

"Okay John Peana, just stay with me, okay? I'll be right over!" The plant assured her lover as she ran out her house, leaving her art on the counter for me to kinkshame once she inevitably dies.

 

 

* * *

 

The entire way to Pea's house, Mom-san stayed on the phone to make sure that Pea wouldn't get hurt. And luckily Fern was the flash because traveling on foot from Texas to Mushygin would have been a lot longer ~~like my dong~~. "Pea? i'm here. Open the door." Fern asked patiently. 

"Oh okay. But just so you know Door-kun woke up."

"HUH?" The sassy woman shouted just as the door flung open to see Door-kun standing right there, naked.

"Oh hi, cancer buddy!" The trash enthusiastically greeted.

"I think you're taking this whole cancer thing too lightly. I thought you died," The now tsundere shitface grumpily answered, pointing her blushing face and doki-doking body away.

"I did too. But it was just my longing for Meateor-San," Dora replied with the look of a school girl.

"Lol same!!!1!" Pea answered jumping in between them and grabbing both of them by their arms. "Now lets go inside! It's cold lol kek lol memes lol lol."

 

Just as they walked inside, Timberly realized something devastating. And unfortunately, Door-kun had realized it too. "Ohoho looks like someone is a little too excited." The piece of wood teased, eyes peering towards Mom-san's crotch. She covered it up quickly with both hands, face bright red. "I don't know what you mean!" She sassed back, though it was in vain. 

"Stop your flirting! The other guests are here!" Pea skipped to the door, her pants and shirt being thrown off as she walked. "Hi Meat-chan. Can I call you Meat-chan?" Pea battered its eyelashes before turning towards the other guest. "H-Hi Cancer-chan. It appears you're already inside us all." Cancer-chan grunted and his triple dick sprouted out, landing in everyone but Meteor's butt. 

"Ah! N-No stop!" Fern struggled, but couldn't break loose. She didn't want this. She didn't want cancer. She didn't want to die. As her pleas filled her with determination ~~lol memes lol im sinning~~ she managed to break free and land into Pea's lap. "Pea, we have to get out of here!" Fern cried and since she's a hawaii mother fucker Pea got a super boner and beat Cancer-chan and Meat-chan with it. "No one touches my wife!" But sadly, her dong got too out of hand and it accidentally knocked Door out the window. 

It was v sad but since I don't want to write this shit anymore and I want Door to die I'm not writing it.

 

Pea ends up killing itself because she couldn't take it and Kim chocked on a Oihina baby dong. Cancer-chan and Meat-chan continued to kill people and are still gonna kill you cuz u sinned.

 

  
The End.


	2. Cancer Strikes Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its time

lmao u thought id actually add a chapter my muse is gone but its okei cuz this is god week so i have time


End file.
